I Let Him Go by Denise Fergus

 

I was crying so much I couldn't breathe. The thought of leaving the shopping centre without him was crushing. I knew that walking away from the place where he had gone missing, without any idea where he now was, meant that things were really bad. James had been right by my side and then he was gone forever.'

On 12th February 1993, Denise Fergus' life changed forever. As she was running errands at New Strand Shopping Centre, she let go of her two-year-old son's hand for a few seconds to take out her purse.

Denise never saw her son again.

For the first time since that moment 25 years ago, Denise tells her extraordinary story in this heart-wrenching book, an unflinching account of that terrible day. What if she had never taken James shopping? What if she had turned right coming out of the butcher's, instead of left? Denise's initial hope after seeing her son on CCTV with other children quickly turned to devastation when, two days later, James' body was found.

His death reverberated around the world and his killers became the youngest ever convicted murderers in UK legal history. Four minutes is all it took for them to lead James away from his mother to his death. Denise took up a tortuous legal battle for James, and it was her astonishing strength and love for her son that ultimately helped to change the way the law treats victims of crime.

This is a mother's tale, of finding a way through the despair to remember the happiness and wonderful memories that James brought his family rather than just as a murdered child.

I wasn’t sure if I could listen to this, but then I thought if Denise can go through what she went through,I can listen to her story. First things first, if you know the story of James, most of us do, you’ll know this is a hard read. But I still wasn’t prepared for how much I would cry. It absolutely broke my heart. Denise had already been through so much before James was even born, but to then go through the unimaginable, James being taken and murdered, my heart broke for her.

The book in its way is actually lovely. Yes it’s hard, and I can’t even begin to imagine what it must have been like, but there is so much happiness in the book too. Denise tells lovely stories, how muchJames was loved, what a little character he was. I loved hearing these parts, and how much Denise fought for justice for him after his murder. 

James is probably always going to be remembered by the public as that little boy on cctv, being led away by 2 children, but I hope anyone who reads this gets to know that little boy as something else, as a kid with a big heart, and a big smile.